Escape to Walmart
by BreakingSuperLock
Summary: In which Dean is 50000 percent done and Cas really likes Walmart. And baby clothes. Because Dean has a baby.


**So I was told to continue _Of Medicine and Soiled Trenchcoats._ This one is longer and set a few weeks before that one. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or Walmart. I only own Abigail.**

If there was ever a time when Dean wished he always practiced safe sex, it was now.

He'd had countless one night stands with so many women that it would be useless to try to list every single one of them. Usually he was certain that protection had been included.

Although the presence of an almost-two year old girl sitting next to him was a strong indicator that protection had been completely forgotten about at least once.

Dean had been enjoying his night, relaxing on the couch with a beer in his hand while his brother went out to pick up dinner. They had just completed a hunt from hell- figuratively and literally- and the idea of a weekend of alcohol and TV sounded pretty amazing.

But now he was pretty sure his weekend would include diapers.

He read the note in his hand for the hundredth time since he had found it affixed to the girl's shirt less than ten minutes ago. According to the letter, the girl's name was Abigail Louise and she would be two in six weeks.

There was no paternity test attached to the letter, which meant he would have it done himself, but the kid had his eyes. When Dean looked at her again, he noticed that her mouth was identical to his and hers was currently pouting.

Neither of them made a sound; instead, they just sat in silence, staring at each other. And that was exactly how Sam found them.

"Dean, I got your-" Sam stopped abruptly. "Dean? Who's this?"

"Mine, apparently." Dean ran a hand over his face and tossed the crumpled up note to Sam.

Sam caught the paper and read it. "I'm gone for fifteen minutes and you find out you have a kid? I guess it was bound to happen eventually."

"Dude, focus!" Dean demanded. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Maybe you should find out if she's hungry or something."

"Right." Dean returned his attention to Abigail. "You hungry? Thirsty? Anything?"

She swung her legs as she thought about it. "Hunggy _an_ firsty," she confirmed.

"Okay."

"Cool. I guess. What do you want?"

"Nana!"

"Bananas?"

"Uh huh! An' juicy!"

"Okay." The toddler held her arms up and Dean carried her into the kitchen. "Let's see what we have." He found a banana and a jug of orange juice in the fridge. "Is orange juice okay?"

"Kay."

"Awesome." The last thing he had wanted was a temper tantrum in the middle of the kitchen. Dean rummaged through the cabinet until he found a coffee mug, not entirely trusting a toddler with a glass.

Abigail hummed to herself as she waited. When he set a plate of sliced banana and the mug of juice in front of her, she began to eat hungrily, ignoring the fork and eating with her hands as if she hadn't seen food in days.

"Hey, don't choke. I really don't wanna go to the ER right now. Slow down."

Sam had to laugh. "She eats like you."

"She's eating a banana. I don't eat fruit."

Abigail shoved another slice of banana into her mouth before slowing down and finishing the rest. Then she picked up the mug and held it with both hands as she downed the orange juice.

"Seriously. How long has it been since this kid ate?" She had weighed close to nothing when Dean picked her up and he wasn't sure if she was just small or if she wasn't getting enough to eat.

The tiny girl set her juice down long enough to swallow and let out an exhausted sigh, as if her brief binge had drained the last of her energy.

"You done?"

She nodded and held up the empty mug. "All gone!" she exclaimed, turning the mug upside down as if she felt the need to prove her statement.

Dean took the mug and set it in the sink with Abigail's empty plate as the toddler sat on the table, swinging her legs as she watched him.

What was he supposed to do?

XXX

Within four hours of Abigail's arrival, it became clear that Dean would need to go shopping.

When he had suggested a bath, Abigail had hidden under a blanket. She fell asleep soon enough and he decided that a bath could wait. She was stretched out on the couch, barely taking up an entire cushion.

The diaper bag that had been sent with her contained nothing useful, other than a few diapers and two outfits that were too small and worn out. Although it was fairly chilly outside, the child wore a thin sweater with pajama pants and socks with no shoes.

Where would Dean even find the things she needed at such short notice? The clothes she had would be enough for a day or two as long as she stayed indoors, but she would definitely need diapers.

She had nothing to keep her amused, and Dean did not enjoy the idea of having a bored twenty-two month old infant toddling around in a bunker that contained heavy duty weapons.

"Do you need transportation?"

Dean jumped when he heard Cas behind him. "Cas, you've gotta start giving a warning."

"I heard your thoughts. Do you need transportation to a store to purchase supplies?" Cas gestured to the toddler who lay sleeping on the couch.

"I have the Impala."

"You do not have a seat intended for a toddler. It would be a risky drive. She would undoubtedly be injured if you had an accident."

"Thanks for the PSA, Cas."

"I can transport you to the store."

"Cas, it's almost-"

Cas pressed his fingertips to Dean's forehead, and a moment later, they were standing at the entrance of a Walmart. Abigail was on Dean's hip, groggily waking from her nap.

"Cas, if she starts screaming, you're dealing with the drama." Dean gave Cas a cross look as he reluctantly grabbed a shopping cart and settled the lazy toddler in it. "I don't even know what to get. I've known this kid for four hours."

"Surely you must know the basic necessities to purchase." Cas began to walk beside Dean as they entered the store.

"She needs diapers and probably a jacket. And shoes. I wasn't exactly given the Toddler Starter Pack. But Sam keeps the fridge stocked with healthy crap, and I'm pretty sure kids this age can eat anything."

Dean started by approaching the clothing section. "She has a pair of pajamas, two pairs of jeans that are falling apart, some socks, and a shirt. No jacket and no shoes, and it's still cold."

Abigail was more alert now and blinked in confusion when they reached the clothes.

"Cas, this is creepy. I'm surrounded by pink and flowers and glitter!"

"She seems to have a slight preference for the color blue." Cas nodded toward the toddler, who was eying a light blue jacket approvingly.

"Okay." Dean followed Abigail's gaze and sorted through the rack until he found one that seemed to be her size. "You like this?"

She nodded and her eyes widened when he laid the warm jacket in her lap. Immediately she started to tug it over her head, yelping when she became tangled in it. "Hep me!"

Dean was unable to contain an amused chuckle at her frantic plea. He unzipped the jacket and helped her into it. It was a little loose, but he figured that would save him from buying another one in two months.

"I think one jacket will be enough for now. It'll warm up soon. She needs- Cas? Where'd you go?"

Abigail had pulled up the hood of her jacket and looked around curiously. "There!" she pointed a finger toward a rack of shirts that Cas was studying.

"Having fun?" Dean frowned. "Cas. Seriously. Are you actually excited about this? Dude, for an angel, you have some weird hobbies."

"This shirt is interesting." Cas held up a toddler-sized shirt that was printed with bees. "I enjoy the pattern. I find it endearing."

"I guess."

Abigail nodded in approval when Cas added the shirt to the cart.

"You're really making a hunter and an angel do your shopping for you?" Dean asked her. "You'd make things easier if you'd just grab stuff."

That invitation seemed to surprise her and Dean realized she probably got new things very rarely. But she accepted the offer and slowly reached a hand toward a pair of overalls.

With some persuasion, she picked out some clothes with a hesitation that was unusual for a toddler, but there was a content look in her eyes.

"Okay, I think that should tide you over for now. We need diapers. And we need to get Cas out of this aisle. Cas!" Dean groaned as Cas approached with two more outfits. "I'm never letting you shop again, Cas."

Cas frowned as he laid the clothes in the cart, earning a smile from Abigail. "Why? Have I done something to offend you?"

"You're obsessed with baby clothes !"

"I am not 'obsessed,' as you say. I simply find the colors and the patterns aesthetically pleasing. The designs are creative," Cas explained.

"Whatever." Dean found an aisle of diapers and grabbed a large box labeled 20 to 24 months. He set the box in the cart and tossed a container of baby powder in with a package of wipes, as well as two sippy cups and some plastic plates.

Cas directed Dean's attention to the car seats. "I believe one of those will be necessary if you intend to drive with her in the backseat."

"Jeez. There's so many. What kind am I supposed to get?"

"This one seems suitable." Cas pointed to a pink car seat. "The box says it is adjustable. That sounds practical."

"Cas, I am not putting _that_ in the Impala!" Dean argued.

"It seems to be the only color available. I personally do not see why you are so disgusted. Your car will not be offended."

Dean stared at Cas as if the angel had three heads. "Are you saying Baby doesn't have feelings?"

"Yes. I am stating that 'Baby,' as you have named your car, has no emotions. It is a vehicle."

" _She."_

"Cars have no gender and no anatomical sex."

As they bickered, Abigail sighed and huffed in annoyance, swinging her legs and resting her chin in her hands.

A saleslady who was passing them stopped and smiled. "Can I help you gentlemen with anything?"

"We seem to be at disagreement as to whether or not this car seat is appropriate," Cas explained. "I see nothing wrong with it, but he seems to believe it will hurt his car's 'feelings' that it does not have."

The saleslady, whose nametag read Katie, laughed. "It's a very safe seat, especially for the price. It's a bestseller."

"See, Dean?"

"Cas."

Katie laughed again. "I love seeing couples shopping for their children. You two are adorable. How long have you been together?"

"We're not-"

"Approximately six years," Cas answered. "I gripped him tight and –"

"And we're gonna miss something important if we don't get out of here really fast." Dean snatched the car seat and put it in the cart before he grabbed Cas's trench coat and dragged him along.

"Dean, why are you in a hurry?"

"You realize you just told a hot saleslady that we're a gay couple?"

"I did?"

"She asked if we were together!"

"We are shopping together, aren't we? And we have known each other for approximately six years, I believe. My answer was not inaccurate. I _did_ grip you tight and raise you from perdition."

Dean snorted at the deflated look on the angel's face. "That sounds really pornographic, especially to people who haven't been to hell and literally saved by an angel."

"You seem to find a pornographic reference in most things," Cas mused as they stopped in the shoe aisle.

"Okay, pick something out," Dean urged Abigail. "Because Cas is not helping."

The little girl eyed the shelves for a few minutes until she selected a pair of silver sneakers with pink trim. Glad that she had chosen quickly, Dean helped her try them on before they left the aisle.

"Cas! If you don't stop fooling around, I'm putting you in the cart," Dean threatened when Cas lingered behind. The angel frowned in disapproval but reluctantly followed.

"She may require something to keep her entertained."

"That's the next stop." There was a bin of $5 movies and Dean stopped in front of it. Abigail leaned over and rummaged through with a curious look on her face until she picked the Lion King and Finding Nemo, followed by two that looked equally horrifying to Dean: Frozen and the Little Mermaid.

But if it would stop her from exploring the bunker and getting into trouble, he would have dumped the entire bin into the cart. The cart was becoming fuller than he anticipated, but he let her add two coloring books and a box of crayons.

They were approaching the checkout when they passed the stuffed animals and Abigail's gaze fell on a stuffed rabbit. She eyed the fuzzy brown bunny with eager eyes but said nothing.

"It is unusual that she has not requested anything. I've noticed that children of this age are the most likely to demand items and scream when they are told no."

"Yeah. But I'd rather not have to deal with a tantrum in the middle of the store at almost midnight."

The look in Abigail's eyes turned from longing to shock when Dean handed her the rabbit. She hugged it tightly to her chest and sighed in contentment.

The shopping cart seemed to hold enough to tide her over for a while, so Dean grabbed Cas's wrist and dragged him away from the children's section before the angel could max out Dean's fraud credit card any higher.

The checkout process was easy enough. There were several items that Cas has clearly added when Dean wasn't watching, but he kept his mouth shut because Abigail was calm and he intended to keep it that way.

When they reached the entrance of the store, Cas touched their foreheads and a moment later, they were standing in the bunker, surrounded by the shopping bags.

Sam was sitting at the table and looked up when Dean, Cas, and Abigail suddenly appeared with at least six bags. "What took so long?"

"Cas likes Walmart."

"I do not have a preference for that store," Cas insisted. "But it was enjoyable. I would like to do it again sometime."

"Not happening. If you ever zap me to Walmart in the middle of the night again, you're going on a leash and getting tied to the cart."

"That seems unreasonable, given the aid I gave you tonight."

Sensing that her new things would remain on the floor until the argument reached a conclusion, Abigail dug her new stuffed bunny out of a bag and climbed into a chair.

"The reason you are so sulky is because you are very bossy," Cas defended as Dean finally started to unload the bags, finding more things he didn't remember buying as he did so.

"I don't sulk!"

Abigail rolled her eyes and folded her arms, leaning on the table and resting her chin on her arms. The slight scowl on her face was a sign that she had given up on paying attention to the bickering, and it was quite amusing.

"They're like an old married couple," Sam mused, catching the attention of both Dean and Cas.

"We are not!" Dean defended.

Cas shook his head. "Marriage would be virtually impossible, seeing that I, in my true form, do not exist in the American government."

The silly argument seemed to settle down for a few minutes, only to be followed by another equally amusing one.

An old married couple, indeed.

 **Reviews add kindling to the fluff fire! *giggles maniacally***


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